Random thoughts.

29th sep 07.

I observe closely how the state of mind changes every minute.....It is simply impossible to be in the same state for a while. 'Thought is your enemy' thats what UG krishnamurthy has written, it indeed is! There is so much that keeps one pre occupied all the while. The noises in the head like they call it, is disturbing. I am learning to live with myself. Controlling the mind is like implementing a complex control system because it is so easy to switch from one mood to the other. I was trying to meditate and it felt as if i felt rapture for a second and then one thing let to another and i lost track. it began to weave stories and then there i was in the dumps again.debating,pondering irrational thoughts.......

I have searched for answers .....maybe they are in front of me and i cant follow them because i could never be good enough, smart enough, worthy enough for them. Making the same mistakes and spending the rest of the time undoing them, thats what keeps me busy.

Had read somewhere that it is only out of nothing that something can be created.... Only out of darkness can we understand light. Unless we are broken, defeated, empty and left bare we cannot create.

And Yes there are people out there....somewhere..... who think of you, pray for you, wish you well, miss you.......to someone you make a difference. Thats what makes this life worth living for.....we all crave for unconditional love and acceptance!